Eating out and eating with other people

The nutrition is straightforward. Eating with other people is where it becomes complicated.

Restaurants

Check in advance. Most menus are online. Two minutes of looking prevents the situation where you arrive and find one option and it is a side salad.

Ring ahead if the menu looks thin. Most kitchens can produce something with notice and are considerably better at it than they are at improvising during service.

Ask to speak to the kitchen if you can. Chefs generally respond well to being asked what they could do, and badly to a list of demands at the table.

Pick the cuisine deliberately. Indian, Middle Eastern, Ethiopian, Thai, Vietnamese, Turkish and Italian cooking all have substantial plant-based traditions and produce far better options than a restaurant that has added one dish reluctantly.

Suggesting the venue is the easiest way to solve the problem.

Order several small things rather than the single main course option, which is frequently the least interesting thing the kitchen makes.

Mezze, small plates, sides ordered as a meal — often better than the designated vegan main.

Be pleasant about it. Kitchens are busy and staff are dealing with a great many requests. Someone who asks nicely and accepts what is possible gets fed better than someone who arrives with a list.

At other people's houses

The situation people find most awkward.

Tell them in advance, as early as possible, and casually.

Springing it at the table is genuinely difficult for a host who has cooked. Telling them a week ahead gives them time.

Offer to bring something. A substantial dish that you can eat, and enough of it to share.

This solves the problem entirely and it is the single most useful thing you can do. Hosts are relieved rather than offended.

Keep the requirements minimal. "I don't eat meat or dairy, but I'm easy — I'll be happy with vegetables and bread" is much easier to work with than a detailed specification.

Do not audit the food. Asking what is in everything, at the table, in front of other guests, is what generates resentment.

Most people are somewhere on a spectrum about how strict they are. Decide privately where you sit and do not make it a public negotiation.

Eat beforehand if necessary. A small meal before going out removes the pressure entirely and means you can eat what is available without needing it to be sufficient.

Say thank you and mean it. Someone who cooked something specially should hear that it was appreciated, whatever it was like.

Family who disapprove

The hardest situation and the one where the food is not really the issue.

What generally works:

Do not argue at the table. Nobody has ever been persuaded of anything during a family meal.

Answer questions briefly and move on. Long explanations invite debate.

Do not comment on what anyone else is eating. This is the one that matters most. A great deal of hostility toward plant-based eaters originates in people feeling judged, whether or not any judgement was expressed.

Cook for them occasionally. A good meal does more than any argument, and it addresses the assumption that the food is deprivation.

Let older relatives be wrong about the nutrition. Correcting a grandparent about protein at Sunday lunch is not a battle worth having.

Travel

Learn the phrases in the local language, specifically. "No meat" is frequently understood to exclude only red meat. Being specific about fish, eggs, dairy and stock matters.

Written cards with the relevant phrases are genuinely useful and available.

Research the cuisine. Most cuisines have substantial plant-based traditions, particularly where meat was historically expensive. Learning three dish names solves most meals.

Carry emergency food. Nuts, a bar, oat sachets. The situation you are guarding against is an airport at eleven at night.

Self-catering for part of a trip removes the pressure.

Be more relaxed than at home. Whether you are strict about traces and stock while travelling is a personal decision, and being rigid about it in a country where it is genuinely difficult makes travel unpleasant.

Work

Team lunches and events. Say something in advance to whoever is organising, once, and then be easy.

Do not be the person who makes every meal about it. This is the reputation that makes colleagues stop inviting you.

Bring food when it is easier than negotiating.

The attitude that works

The people who sustain this longest are the ones who treat it as their own arrangement rather than a public position.

Eat what you eat, make it easy for other people, do not comment on anyone else's plate, and bring something good to share.

That approach converts more people than any argument, incidentally, which is not the point but is worth knowing.